So life wouldn’t be the random occurrence of events it is if I wasn’t made to perform spur of the moment. My mom and her fiancée, F had this huge 120+ gaggle of people in his monstrous California home. It was a thank you party for a theatrical fundraiser and the food and drinks alone would make you swoon. The Hyatt in downtown Palm Springs catered the event, and by God, I have never had such amazing hor d'oeuvres. I’m starting to drool now so I will digress….
But the entire night people kept asking me what I do for a living and for some reason I always find that it feels somewhat childlike to shout “I’m an actor.” I also have a day job, which I usually mention, but I really am an actor so I say it. But it always comes out like I’m daydreaming or playing life and not actually living in reality. I’m no sure why that is, but anyway…
I didn’t know anyone at this party so I must thank the wonderful server Michael for keeping me in yummy mango champagne drinks. It kept my hands busy so I wasn’t fidgeting with my hair….a lovely pastime. So after a couple of delicious champagne thingies I was feeling more bold and ready for conversation (imagine, that!). So I’m talking about acting and my experience and as the night is dwindling I realize that I’ve made some really great contacts. One woman wants to give me all these names to contact and I’m feeling very sure of myself. I’m thrilled! But then another woman interrupts us to state:
“Oh you are an actress? What kind?”
“Well I’m mostly musical theatre, so I sing, but I want to branch into TV and film right now.”
This woman’s eyes are now wide with wonder.
“ You sing?!” Eyes even wider.
“Yes I do. Mostly musical theatre but I have been trained to do opera too.” She gives a sly look to the woman I have been conversing with and announces:
“YOU MUST SING RIGHT NOW!”
“OH NO, I’m really OK. Thanks though.” She ignores me.
“You really must sing. How about just one song? Just one! The pianist is right there. You only have to do one. How about it?” Now, I’m feeling nervous. She won’t let up.
“That’s really nice but I really don’t want to right now. Thank you though.”
“It would be good exposure. How are you going to do this in front of hundreds of people if you can’t do it here?”
Now I agree with her on this. It would be great exposure, but I don’t like to just wing stuff. If I had practiced with said pianist I would have been happy to belt it out, but being thrown into the lion’s den without a weapon made me want to guzzle a pitcher of mango champagne. Not to mention I have no problem performing in front of strangers but these are people my mom and F deal with on a regular basis, not to mention my mom and F were there. And I’m not much for performing in front of family, it just feels uncomfortable. But being on a stage with hundreds of strangers watching is fine. I don’t know them and they don’t know me. Plus, it would be nice to just go to an event where I don’t have to sing or perform. If someone were an accountant I wouldn’t expect him to do my taxes right there for me at the party. It is a bit different but you get the point. I’m not a dancing, singing monkey.
The woman goes over to talk to the pianist for a little bit and I tell my mom that I’m not really in the mood to sing now. The woman came skipping back telling me that the pianist would be happy to play anything I wanted. I again said, “I really don’t want to” and we did this back and forth argument until she grabbed me by the arm and started to literally drag me to the piano. I couldn’t get away. Once at the piano I eyed Michael hoping that he had some mango champagne. None in sight…just my luck! I pictured myself guzzling the pitcher and then coming out to do a lovely musical showcase, but not tonight. So I had heard the pianist warm up with “If I Loved You” from Carousel earlier in the day, and since that happens to be a song I do know backwards and forwards I thought it was a bit serendipitous. I had hoped to run through the song once through with her for practice but before I knew it someone was pulling me off the piano bench while we were practicing and everyone had turned around to watch me perform. Ekk! No practice! Once it was done I thought I might throw up from the adrenaline. It all felt very surreal. I’m definitely one who likes to practice a lot before an audition or a show so being flung into a performance with a pianist I don’t know was a bit overwhelming, but the pianist was amazing and she couldn’t have done a better job accompanying me. If she lived closer to me, I would be dragging her to all my auditions! I’m glad I did this. Even though I hate to be unprepared and winging it, it felt good to get out of my shell. I’m a strong actress but I don’t think I’m your typical actor, the kind that you never really can tell when the person is performing or not in everyday life. I like to entertain but I can be pretty reserved. I like to reserve my performance for an audition, show, or hopefully one day, a film. Otherwise I’m a pretty normal person. I don’t burst out in song waiting in a long cattle call line, I don’t rehearse famous movie lines in a public area, and I don’t feel the need to burst into random accents in every day life (Even though I swoon for a British accent). I’m just me and I’m dying to use my acting and singing skills to make a career. I think doing this was a good step in that direction.
I have two auditions today and tomorrow. I’m always a bit stressed before going to an audition, but with movie auditions I’m oddly calm. I love not having to prepare a bunch of ridiculous monologues and 32 bars of an upbeat song and ballad. I love coming in, handing in my resume, and reading some sides. I really think you can tell a lot more about an actor from reading from the actual script rather than a random monologue. I have been auditioning for movies a lot lately. I realized that while I will continue auditioning for plays and musicals, I really want to do TV and film. But my whole professional acting life has been stage, so I think it can be a deterrent to see that I haven’t been in any movies when I go for auditions. But all I need is for someone to see my abilities and want to take that chance. My other auditions have gone well, and I am typically in the bottom 2 or 3 when it comes down to choosing, but for some reason I never get cast. It can be a bit frustrating to find out how close you came, especially if it’s for a role you are dying to have. But that’s part of the business. You can’t get attached to any role before you get the part. I need to learn how to do that. But I’m hopefully for this batch of auditions and I’m glad to be back from Palm Springs so I can refocus on auditions and acting. Wish me broken legs!
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