The Curious Incident of the Singer in California

So life wouldn’t be the random occurrence of events it is if I wasn’t made to perform spur of the moment. My mom and her fiancée, F had this huge 120+ gaggle of people in his monstrous California home.  It was a thank you party for a theatrical fundraiser and the food and drinks alone would make you swoon.  The Hyatt in downtown Palm Springs catered the event, and by God, I have never had such amazing hor d'oeuvres. I’m starting to drool now so I will digress….

But the entire night people kept asking me what I do for a living and for some reason I always find that it feels somewhat childlike to shout “I’m an actor.” I also have a day job, which I usually mention, but I really am an actor so I say it. But it always comes out like I’m daydreaming or playing life and not actually living in reality.  I’m no sure why that is, but anyway…

I didn’t know anyone at this party so I must thank the wonderful server Michael for keeping me in yummy mango champagne drinks.  It kept my hands busy so I wasn’t fidgeting with my hair….a lovely pastime. So after a couple of delicious champagne thingies I was feeling more bold and ready for conversation (imagine, that!). So I’m talking about acting and my experience and as the night is dwindling I realize that I’ve made some really great contacts.  One woman wants to give me all these names to contact and I’m feeling very sure of myself.  I’m thrilled! But then another woman interrupts us to state:

“Oh you are an actress? What kind?”

“Well I’m mostly musical theatre, so I sing, but I want to branch into TV and film right now.”
This woman’s eyes are now wide with wonder.

“ You sing?!” Eyes even wider.

“Yes I do. Mostly musical theatre but I have been trained to do opera too.” She gives a sly look to the woman I have been conversing with and announces:

“YOU MUST SING RIGHT NOW!”

“OH NO, I’m really OK. Thanks though.” She ignores me.

“You really must sing. How about just one song? Just one! The pianist is right there. You only have to do one. How about it?” Now, I’m feeling nervous.  She won’t let up.

“That’s really nice but I really don’t want to right now. Thank you though.”

“It would be good exposure. How are you going to do this in front of hundreds of people if you can’t do it here?”

Now I agree with her on this. It would be great exposure, but I don’t like to just wing stuff. If I had practiced with said pianist I would have been happy to belt it out, but being thrown into the lion’s den without a weapon made me want to guzzle a pitcher of mango champagne. Not to mention I have no problem performing in front of strangers but these are people my mom and F deal with on a regular basis, not to mention my mom and F were there.  And I’m not much for performing in front of family, it just feels uncomfortable.  But being on a stage with hundreds of strangers watching is fine. I don’t know them and they don’t know me. Plus, it would be nice to just go to an event where I don’t have to sing or perform. If someone were an accountant I wouldn’t expect him to do my taxes right there for me at the party.  It is a bit different but you get the point. I’m not a dancing, singing monkey.

 The woman goes over to talk to the pianist for a little bit and I tell my mom that I’m not really in the mood to sing now.  The woman came skipping back telling me that the pianist would be happy to play anything I wanted.  I again said, “I really don’t want to” and we did this back and forth argument until she grabbed me by the arm and started to literally drag me to the piano. I couldn’t get away. Once at the piano I eyed Michael hoping that he had some mango champagne. None in sight…just my luck! I pictured myself guzzling the pitcher and then coming out to do a lovely musical showcase, but not tonight. So I had heard the pianist warm up with “If I Loved You” from Carousel earlier in the day, and since that happens to be a song I do know backwards and forwards I thought it was a bit serendipitous. I had hoped to run through the song once through with her for practice but before I knew it someone was pulling me off the piano bench while we were practicing and everyone had turned around to watch me perform. Ekk! No practice! Once it was done I thought I might throw up from the adrenaline. It all felt very surreal. I’m definitely one who likes to practice a lot before an audition or a show so being flung into a performance with a pianist I don’t know was a bit overwhelming, but the pianist was amazing and she couldn’t have done a better job accompanying me. If she lived closer to me, I would be dragging her to all my auditions! I’m glad I did this. Even though I hate to be unprepared and winging it, it felt good to get out of my shell.  I’m a strong actress but I don’t think I’m your typical actor, the kind that you never really can tell when the person is performing or not in everyday life. I like to entertain but I can be pretty reserved. I like to reserve my performance for an audition, show, or hopefully one day, a film. Otherwise I’m a pretty normal person. I don’t burst out in song waiting in a long cattle call line, I don’t rehearse famous movie lines in a public area, and I don’t feel the need to burst into random accents in every day life (Even though I swoon for a British accent). I’m just me and I’m dying to use my acting and singing skills to make a career.  I think doing this was a good step in that direction. 

I have two auditions today and tomorrow. I’m always a bit stressed before going to an audition, but with movie auditions I’m oddly calm. I love not having to prepare a bunch of ridiculous monologues and 32 bars of an upbeat song and ballad. I love coming in, handing in my resume, and reading some sides. I really think you can tell a lot more about an actor from reading from the actual script rather than a random monologue. I have been auditioning for movies a lot lately. I realized that while I will continue auditioning for plays and musicals, I really want to do TV and film.  But my whole professional acting life has been stage, so I think it can be a deterrent to see that I haven’t been in any movies when I go for auditions. But all I need is for someone to see my abilities and want to take that chance.  My other auditions have gone well, and I am typically in the bottom 2 or 3 when it comes down to choosing, but for some reason I never get cast. It can be a bit frustrating to find out how close you came, especially if it’s for a role you are dying to have. But that’s part of the business. You can’t get attached to any role before you get the part. I need to learn how to do that. But I’m hopefully for this batch of auditions and I’m glad to be back from Palm Springs so I can refocus on auditions and acting.  Wish me broken legs!

Alas, a Much Needed Vacation

I know how remiss I have become with this blog. Up until now, 2011 hasn’t been the best year for me. I have come down with every illness imaginable from the stomach bug to an ear infection to the flu to a cold and sinus infection to a corneal abrasion (ummm….does anything hurt more than a scratched eye?! Ouch!). However, for the last few months I have been dying for a vacation. Well, let me scratch that! I have NEEDED a vacation (I always want a vacation). But money is tight for me so I can’t go anywhere, but it doesn’t seem to have stopped the friends in my life from getting a bit tipsy and booking a trip around the world.  I wish I could do this, but I need money to do this first. I finally paid off all of my credit card debt so the last thing I want to do is go right back into debt with a trip. I’m trying to be smart but it’s deathly boring.  I need adventure. The Sagittarius in me is screaming for a change. Anywhere, so I was given a very generous amount of money from my mom’s fiancée, let’s just call him F, for Christmas. It was originally meant to be used on a trip to NYC for Christmas with my mom, but sadly I was working my butt off and couldn’t take a long holiday, so I was stuck in an office instead.  So because the money wasn’t used for Christmas it was kind of up for grabs as to what to use it for and I finally decided it would be amazing to visit them in their winter home in Palm Springs. Last year when I came to visit I had never gone further than Illinois, but now I have finally gone to California. I am dying to see more of this gorgeous state and its surroundings (can we say Catalina Island, please?!). Anyway, despite the inclement weather that always likes to appear the moment it finds out I’m on vacation, it has still been an incredible trip and amazingly relaxing.  Working 70+ hours a week will turn anyone crazy. I was getting there.  But now I’m so at peace it’s amazing.  F’s house is amazing to say the least. It was originally built for David Jansen, the actor, who died before he got the chance to live in the beautiful creation he designed. Anyway, F bought it and redid parts of it to make it even more beautiful.  The view alone is enough to knock you off your feet.

My trip first started when I decided to buy an upgrade to first class. Yes, that’s right. I did it! I couldn’t help myself. The price was incredible and I wouldn’t have to pay for my suitcase (bully for me!). It was of course too early to drink anything so I went for water (I know I’m so not fun). First class seats are heaven. I seriously wanted to rip one out of the plane and take it home.  They also kept coming around offering snacks, drinks, and even breakfast (and the breakfast was delicious, I must say). I was in heaven. But I definitely looked out of place (it was probably because my mouth was constantly open, drooling at the wonder that is first class). I also had to wrangle with the magical tray table that appears from your arm rest (I felt rather stupid, but hey, this was my first first class trip). I also got to catch up on some work while lounging in my huge, leather seat. It was fabulous.  Until I realized my plane landed 20 minutes later than it should and it was going to take another 15 minutes to taxi to the gate. I had another plane to catch that was boarding in 10 minutes. For those who have flown into Phoenix, God bless you. The gates are about a mile and a half apart. If you land in gate A but need to get to gate B, expect a trek. I ran like a mad woman (so much for enjoying the last little bit of first class!) and luckily got there in enough time to board, but I could barely breathe.  It was not an experience I would like to reenact. I looked crazed and disheveled. I can never get off the plane looking refreshed and gorgeous, it just won’t happen in my lifetime.

Since I have been here, I have gotten to eat at Wang’s in the Desert, an Asian restaurant that makes me salivate just thinking about it. MMMM….walnut shrimp! OK, I’m done. I also ate at the infamous Wally’s, an extremely luxurious dining experience that someone like myself could never afford. I think my eyes popped out of my head when I saw the $40+ price tag on the majority of the entrees. But the food was heavenly. I did have an issue with remembering that while I’m here I’m not supposed to life a finger, literally! I went to pour the rest of my cosmo into my glass and the waiter came over to inform me that HE is supposed to do that for me. I kind of laughed and said, “ It’s cool I can pour my own drink, but thanks!” This is seriously a world I don’t live in.



I also saw the Ten Tenors (yum!) sing at the McCallum. Beautiful voices, hunky men. It doesn’t get better than that. They also came out after the show for a meet and greet. I tried my best not to leap on them with girlish glee. No I Love Lucy moment for me! I contained myself.

I also had a zen experience at the SpaTerre in the Riviera Hotel. That place is gorgeous. I had bought my mom a liquid pedicure for her birthday because who doesn’t need a pedicure with your martini?! Yes, life is tough. We laid out by the pool a bit first and then went in to relax in the “Buddha Lounge”. Oh my god I think I almost feel asleep it was so peaceful (guess it really lives up to its name). This place was the closest thing I’m ever getting to a vacation like Sex and the City 2. It was stunning.  But of course it began to rain not long after; however, not having to work has made all of this heaven on earth.

SpaTerre Buddha Lounge....absolute bliss!

I realize I never take time for myself. My better half gives me time to myself because I’m an only child who has always needed a substantial amount of alone time, but that time alone is spent doing work. I always have a deadline and I hate it. I hate that I can’t just go into work and not take stuff back with me. I want to leave my work at the office, but working two and sometimes three jobs doesn’t really afford for that. Besides cooking, I have had no time for myself. It has been rather disappointing. Couple that with people who are constantly posting about their amazing trips abroad and I want to scream. Honestly, I have never been lucky enough to travel abroad. I want to desperately and I honestly feel like this is a big part of what is missing from my life. I have a constant urge to travel and see the world, but no money of which to speak. I’m currently trying to save up for a trip to France because I have dreamt about going to France since I was a child.  France and England…these are my two destinations that I will visit first if I have a say in it. Then Ireland, Africa, and Norway, and then after I’ve been to these countries I will go just about anywhere.

But until then I’m thoroughly in love with Palm Springs.

View from my window